In You Are A Badass by Jen Sincero, she talks about the law of attraction and how she basically went from being mediocre in everything that she did to beyond her wildest dreams of success by doing some pretty mundane things… one of those things was journaling.

This mediocre description was me to a “T” back in July 2015. Claudia and I were separated at the time with no hope on the horizon for reconciliation. I was arrested on DWI charges and I virtually had no income.

At the time, I was “dating” a very young maverick who’s name will never be mentioned. She, unlike my life partner Claudia, gave me a glimpse of what I used to be like… reverent, audacious and quite unique. Now, she was not these things but somehow I was reimagining my 20’s through her being in her 20’s. For the seven months Claudia and I were seperated I fantasized about how my life used to be and how I so desperately wanted that life again.

Sidenote: Throughout this journey that I am sharing with you through video, articles and social media, I will be reflecting on this transition period in my life at the age of 42.

Claudia did not change me when we first started dating and I regret to this day blaming her for my early 40s crisis. Claudia simply gave me what I had yearned for all my life, a partner, a true unconditional love that only your soulmate can give you.

The problem was that at age 28 I didn’t know what that meant. I didn’t know sixteen years ago that having it all meant that you actually could have it all… and I freaked out. The problem is that it took me sixteen years to actually let this “freak out” manifest itself!

After Claudia and I committed ourselves to each other sixteen years ago I completely changed how I went about my life. I believed that I had to be just like everyone else – a career, kids, house, car – the stuff, because I now shared a life with someone else. The funny thing is that I never did any of those things.

Up until 2015, I had struggled with my passion and my life’s work. I identified myself with Claudia and as Claudia’s partner, not as an individual (although some will argue this fact). I was working but not experiencing a level of wealth and follow through for someone who supposedly had it all figured out.

In 2015, I let myself do what I’m good at – teach golf. No more shame and no more conformity to the norms. This was the first step in reconciling with Claudia but I didn’t know that at the time. She always wanted me to teach golf for a living and always wanted me to be happy. She supported me in everything I chose to do or create but there was always this little bird that told her I would eventually find my way to teaching golf.

December 2015, Claudia reconnected with Joe Caruso since she was actually living her passion. She is a personal trainer with a specialization in golfers. Claudia has never had a problem working her passion and developing a satisfied lifestyle.

Being the shithead that I am, I asked Claudia if Joe would be open to me teaching a bit part time. He was welcoming as always. Joe had been a true friend and mentor to me over the years. I joined her one day for an assessment with one of Joe’s students to solidify the arrangement and start teaching. It took me about maybe three days to get my first student and that was that… I was teaching. This all came to me very easily and that was the key to really embracing my new found “passion”. It was a very similar to a phoenix of rebirth of my true self.

Now what came next was quite surprising, I realized how amazing I was and how unique I really am. This came about a few weeks earlier. I started working part time for a golf course. My title was basically a clerk but was given the moniker “cute golf shop girl”. I didn’t have any real responsibilities except not letting anyone steal anything and be there on time.

Being completely immersed in my own bullshit I forgot who I was… I had lost my self awareness. I forgot I was inspiring, intelligent and unique. Working in the business that somehow comes second nature to me gave me a new lens to view myself. This may sound a little woo woo but I know what happened and where I am now in my life.

This was my self discovery period.

Now all these mini-epiphanies didn’t appear in my coffee cup one morning. They appeared over time. They have appeared to me over the last 24 months and today, with this published article is a turning point and a new realization. The realization is that these milestones or flexion points manifested themselves with my journalling.

Writing my journal is how I am so happy, content and ever present with myself. My ritual of writing my journal has allowed me to be extremely honest with myself. If I write something I don’t like about myself, I’m immediately reminded that I can be better because there is evidence of a better me in the journal.

You can’t bullshit your way with a journal if you are honest with yourself… I would venture to say that if you are lying in your journal then you a narcissistic asshole, a sociopath or a psychopath.

My journal has evolved over time. Today it is part schedule, part task list and part lifestyle manifesto. I write everyday the things that make me happy, the things that bother me and the things that I desire most. It is truly one of the best ways to manifest your dreams into goals and your goals into achievement.

These days I’m still teaching golf full time with the addition of a new career on the horizon. I’m 44 and do not want to stand on the practice tee until I’m 80 or worse, dead. In my journal I plan out my day to incorporate a transition to a career as a professional day trader by age 50.

At the age of 50, I will get my amateur status back, play amateur golf and trade on daily basis for our primary income. Just writing that sentence is a key to manifesting the goal into an achievement. Think about that… it’s the law of attracting your dreams and goals.

I’ll be writing more about my experience with my journal but for now I just want you to know that this shit works! So start a journal. Write your goals down – all of them. Write them down every day. Unload your bullshit, release it to the universe and put it out there for the world to see… I just did.

Now if you’ve read this entire self-diatribe of where I have come from take the time to share your journey with me in the the comments below or contact me directly at bjn@brandijonewman.com.

I hope some of my angst and toil will help you get through yours… Have a great day!

 

 

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